How NOT To Write A Love Letter
by thewaywelivenow
Summary: Deciding to show Hermione how he really feels Ron buys a book. How To Write A Love Letter, he follows it's steps to create a notsoperfect love letter. The hard part? The final step, telling Hermione he was the one who sent it.


**How NOT To Write A Love Letter. **

**A/NThis is not only incredibly pointless and not greatly written (it was night, I hadn't had much sleep but I decided to write this anyway - don't ask me why) it's actually not that funny. But anyway… read if you want, don't if you don't. No pressure. **

He looked around, checking for people sneakily spying on him. No, the coast was clear, He grabbed at the book, hurriedly stuffing it into his shopping bag then quickly placing his Quidditch robes on top of it. He grinned to himself, very macho.

Once in the Gryffindor Common Room, he ran up to his dormitory, closed the door, placed a quick locking charm on it and opened his bag. Inside it, he found his Quidditch robes and cast them aside, he wasn't looking for them. He reached his hand into the bag again and drew out a large, golden stained book with a pink tassel running through the middle. On the cover was a large, pure white quill writing in pink ink the words, ' **_How To Write a Love Letter_**, by Romeo'. He shook his head, stupid name.

He opened the book to the first page and found yellowing parchment covered in glistening hearts. What in the love of Merlin had he gotten himself into?

But there, on the page appeared the words of the book, so Ron bent down and read what they said.

_Welcome to How To Write A Love Letter, DO NOT under ANY circumstances tell your love about this book. It will RUIN the ENTIRE point of it._

_1. First pick a suitable candidate for your affections. (Preferably someone who won't rip the letter up into small pieces and tell everyone about it. It also helps if you do actually like them.) _

Well, that bit was easy he supposed. He definitely knew of someone he would like to give the letter to. Only problem was, would she rip the letter up into small pieces as the book said and tell everyone about it? He decided not. She wouldn't do that, or so he hoped.

_2. Decide what parchment said letter will be written on. Perhaps a love heart background? Or smelling of perfume_

This was a little trickier. Did she even like love heart or scented paper? He'd have to ask her. But how could he drop that into casual conversation? He could see it now;

"Yeah, Quidditch was great, shame about us losing. By any chance do you happen to like decorated paper smelling of roses?",

"What are you talking about?",

"Nothing, nothing,"

She'd look at him as though fearful for his health and say, "Okay then, you sure you're okay?."

That really wasn't a good thought, he have to ask her much more subtle way. But how? Sending her a letter asking her would be pointless. First of all she'd know who Pig was and he wasn't going to use a school owl, he'd used enough of them to last him a lifetime. Secondly, he might as well tell her he liked her in that letter, not send her two, he didn't want to seem desperate. This was getting confusing and his head was starting to hurt. He decided he'd worry about it in the morning and go on to the next step.

_3. Make sure you have some RED INK at hand as BLACK does NOT look good. Far too GRUBBY. Also now would be the TIME too decide what new writing you will write the letter in or he/she will KNOW it's YOU sending the LETTER. br Please Note: Stencils are enclosed in the back of this book _

Wow, he's thought of things I couldn't have done, thought Ron, who knew about the red ink? He also seems to have a strange fixation with capital letters but I'll overlook that. He was contemplating buying some of the red ink needed for the letter at the next Hogsmeade trip, when a noise at the door brought Ron back from this thoughts. He had locked the door and now someone was shouting at him to let them in. He stuffed the book back into his bag which he threw onto the floor and cast a charm towards the door to unlock it.

"Bloody hell Ron, why'd you lock the door?" said Dean, walking into the dormitory frowning.

"Oh, I…no reason," replied Ron, his eyes shifting to the floor below him.

Dean looked from Ron's crimson cheeks and wide eyes to his ruffled bed sheets, and a grin appeared on his face.

"Oh, right, I get what you were doing," he said raising his eyebrows up and down, "but you know, you could have just used the shower instead of locking the door,"

"What? What's the shower got to do with anything?" He looked at Dean's wide eyes which seemed to convey a message to him. "What no, I wasn't doing… I that /I !"

"It's alright Ron, perfectly normal," said Dean who picked up his Transfiguration book, winked at Ron then headed down the stairs.

Oh great, thought Ron, stupid damn book. He should never have got the stupid thing in the first place. He reached to where his bag lay on the floor and pushed it as far under his bed as he could before following Dean down the staircase.

As he reached the bottom of the staircase, he realised that no one was in the Common Room, it must be dinner. Feeling a little annoyed that Harry hadn't waited for him to come down, he turned on his heel to go towards the Great Hall. Suddenly, however, he stopped, on the notice board was the next date for Hogsmeade, two weeks away. Excellent, he thought to himself, excellent.

* * *

He was in Hogsmeade, eating an arrangement of chocolate and it was nearly Christmas, life was good. Hermione tugged on his arm, "Come I on /I Ron, I need to buy Christmas presents for my parents," He let her pull him through the snow covered streets to a small shop glistening with tiny red and gold stars that hung from the ceiling. "Isn't it pretty," said Hermione, marvelling at the decorations.

Ron just grunted. Did she really expect him to say 'yes'?

After Hermione had got her parent's presents, they headed towards the Three Broomsticks in an attempt to see Harry and Ginny.

"They better not be doing anything dodgy when we walk in," Ron said to Hermione who laughed.

"Like what? Heaven forbid enjoying each other's company?" she laughed again, "I thought you were okay with them going out?"

"I am, I just don't like seeing proof of it, there's only so much I can take without being permanently scarred," Hermione shook her head and muttered something under her breath. "Okay then, do you want to go somewhere else?"

Ron was just about to shake his head when a thought popped into his head. "How about the Post Office? I need some new ink,"

* * *

Sat down on his bed in the Gryffindor Boys dormitories, Ron rubbed his hands together in a pathetic impression of an evil dictator. "Hhee", he said, "Stages two and three are now in motion."

In the Post Office, he'd bought the necessary red ink and found out what paper his intended receiver of his letter liked. By pointing all the different kinds out and asking her which one she thought was the nicest, he was sure that even if she didn't like his letter, she'd want to keep the paper.

He grabbed the book from under his bed and opened it to the second page.

4. Decide how the letter will be presented. Will it be a poem, a sonnet or a riddle? Also, it is advised you DO NOT write in your usual style.

Hmmm, this was a hard one. He'd never been the type to be able to write a poem, never mind for someone else. He gulped and grabbed his parchment and ink, here goes, he thought, make or break time.

After many dismal attempts he had something on the verge of passable for a love letter, not his best work, but it would have to do. He wasn't wasting I another /I two hours, he needed food.

Returning from the Great Hall, having told Harry he needed to be alone, he set about reading the next stage of the book.

5. So, you've done ALL four stages? Now is the hard (or easy) bit. SENDING the letter. It helps if you use an owl that ISN'T yours, otherwise the sender of the letter will, unfortunately, be obvious - sorry! Finally add a DATE and TIME to meet the receiver of the letter and you are ready to go.

Ron dropped the book on the floor, his face ashen, only five stages to the book and it had cost 10 sickles, what a rip off!

Then he remembered that he hadn't actually bought the book and laughed, thinkers of all those suckers who had.

Anyway, now was the time to put the fifth and last stage into action.

He picked up his 'sonnet' and wrote at the bottom:

"To find out the writer of this letter meet him at 6 tomorrow (Monday) at the entrance to Gryffindor Common Room."

He nodded his head and folded up the letter, he had to hand it to himself, he was smooth, very smooth.

After going up to the Owlery and grudgingly using one of the school owls to send his letter, he came back down to the Common Room.

"You alright, Ron?" asked Harry.

"What? Why wouldn't I be? I'm alright," he was ranting and he knew it, so did Harry.

"It's just you seem a bit…tense,"

"What me? No, why would I be?"

Harry raised his eyebrows and slid down his chair holding his book up to cover his face, "Well, I don't know, something about a book called, " How To Write A Love Letter " maybe?"

Ron gawked at him, "How do you know about that?" he whispered.

"I have my ways, plus I found it under your bed," he replied, "don't worry, Hermione'll love it,"

Ron's mouth looked like it was starting to ache so as Ginny walked past and kissed Harry on the cheek, she closed it for him.

"How - how do you know it's for Hermione?" he said, talking very fast.

Harry looked genuinely confused, "Who else would it be for? Wait it's _not_ for her?"

Ron shook his head violently. "No, no, it is for her, just, just how did you know?"

Harry just stared at him. "I may be stupid, but I'm not that stupid, you've liked each other for ages,"

"Wait - she likes me back?" His heart was thundering in his chest, was Harry really saying what he thought he was?

Harry frowned, "Yeah, is that a problem or something?"

"Are you kidding? That's great! Great!"

* * *

Ron was waiting at the entrance to Gryffindor Common room, pretending to tie his shoe lace just in case Hermione didn't show up, this way he wouldn't look completely like a fool.

He was nervous, his back was starting to ache and his hands were sweaty. What if Hermione didn't turn up? If she did, what would she say when she found out it was him who had sent the letter? Would she be angry? Surprised? Disappointed? He hoped not the latter, he didn't know what he'd do if she didn't want the sender to be him. He took a deep breath and as he did so someone tapped him on the shoulder. A light, hesitant touch.

"Ron?" said Hermione, "what are you doing here?"

"Me?" said Ron in a voice that wasn't his own, "N-nothing, what are I you /I doing here?"

Hermione looked at the floor then straight into his eyes, her cheeks flushing. "I'm…waiting for someone to show up,"

"Oh really?" said Ron, his voice still high, "how nice,"

"You okay, Ron? You don't sound like yourself,"

"Me? Fine. Fine…I'm fine,"

She was starting to tap her foot impatiently, looking all around her. "You haven't seen anyone around here, have you? Only I'd have thought they'd have shown up by now. It is five past six." she said the last bit mainly to herself but Ron still heard her.

He knew he should tell her now, she must be getting so mad. But how could he do it? It might ruin their perfectly good friendship. Harry had said she liked him, but if that was true why was she here, waiting for someone she didn't even know to turn up?

He must have been thinking for quite a while as Hermione turned to him and said in a defeated voice, "Well, I'm going to go, it seems they're not going to turn up," she smiled weakly at him and turned away.

What else could he do? In a split second decision, he grabbed her arm. "Hermione, it was me."

When she looked puzzled he elaborated. "It me who wrote you that letter asking you to come here, you haven't been stood up or anything, I just didn't know how to tell you…it was me,"

Hermione's face, already red from impatience grew even redder. "Oh just shut up, Ron," she almost shouted, "I know it wasn't you, you always have to make a joke out of things, don't you, well this isn't funny, okay? You don't have to feel like you need to pretend just because I've been stood up."

"What, what are you on about?" Ron spluttered. "Of course it was me who sent you that letter, you think I'd just make it up for a laugh? You really think I'd do that?"

Hermione looked deep into his blue eyes and seemed to be deciding something. "No," she said slowly. "No, you wouldn't." There was a long, awkward silence until she smiled and said, "You really sent me that letter?"

"Yes."

"And you're not just joking?"

"No!" Ron exclaimed. "You're…you're not disappointed are you?" he said, looking to the floor.

He felt Hermione tip his head up to meet her eyes, not taking her hand off his chin as she said, "Disappointed? Of course I'm not disappointed, do you know how long I've been waiting for you to tell me you liked me?"

"Really?"

She grinned and moved closer to him, "Yes," she said quietly. Feeling her breath on his lips, he shivered. Then, they were both moving their heads towards each other until they finally met. It was quite a while before they came up for air.

She had tasted like chocolate, Ron thought later, holding her soft hand in his.

A/NSo, what do you think? A bit clichéd I know, but I couldn't help it, I can't stop myself from writing like that - it's one of my many faults (lol). br Anyway, if you want tell me what you think, it'd be great to have some feedback. Thanks!


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